Remember when the Dixie Chicks got all feisty and said that they were ashamed that then-President George Bush was from their state of Texas? If so, then you surely remember the military-grade ass-plowing they took from Red Staters. I now invite each and every person who excoriated those artists for speaking against the President to turn their attentions to another artist who has not simply expressed a political opinion, but who has invited violence against the executive branch of the United States of America.
Now, before you get all Judge Judy and assume that you know where this is going, just hold your tootsies. I’ve got my own world view and I don’t pretend that it’s the right one, nor do I fear that it’s the wrong one. It’s just mine, it took me a long time to obtain and I’m hanging onto it, even as it expands and evolves with the one-two punch of time and experience.
Today I don’t want to take sides of a political argument, or even focus on politics. I just want to talk about Ted.
You all remember Ted Nugent–the loincloth-sporting guitarist whose high energy classic rock entertained many a parking lot in the 70s. To be fair, there was absolutely nothing innovative, or for that matter interesting about his music or his playing. Pick up any guitar magazine from the last ten years and you’ll have an inordinately difficult time finding one of today’s guitar gods citing Ted as an influence. He was dextrous with his fretwork, he knew how to turn someone else’s catchy licks into his own brash anthems and he made a shitload of money with a cardio-intensive show that was vividly captured on his massively popular Double Live Gonzo album. I used to love that record.
He’s back in the headlines (perhaps “back” is unduly flattering) after recent comments at an N.R.A. rally where he fired up Romney supporters by saying, “We need to ride into that battlefield and chop their heads off in November–” a colorful reference to the Obama administration. Of the Commander-in-Chief, Teddy boy went on to vow that if Obama were re-elected, Ted would be “dead or in jail by this time next year.”
Seriously–just how small are this guy’s balls where he needs to constantly imply that he is some sort of primal, dangerous beast? He’s an aging millionaire who hasn’t been relevant since…well, I’m sure at some point he was relevant, although I couldn’t imagine how, when, or to whom. Regardless, what sort of rational, mature adult puts assassination on the table as a manner of coping with his candidate losing the election? The answer of course, is a very small man. A man who is so socially incompetent that he needs to beat the world over the head with overblown metaphors and thinly veiled implications of how feral and manly he is.
Please.
If you need to resort to violence to resolve an argument, then your point and your ability to articulate it both suck. He’s like the whiny little boy who keeps throwing his rattle out of the stroller to get attention.
Well, he wanted attention and he got it. The Secret Service took his short-sighted comments seriously enough to pay him a visit. Of course Ted, seemingly incapable of admitting fault or ignorance, condescendingly promised that they would have a little barbecue to discuss his comments. Unsurprisingly, the visit passed without incident and Ted can go back to basking in the spotlight of his own stupidity.
When does this guy become the voice of patriotism? After all, this very manly man gleefully dodged the Viet Nam draft, colorfully bragging about how he observed 30 days of hygiene-free living, including soiling himself before showing up for the physical. Given the right to represent his country on the field of battle, Nugent instead chose to walk around with shit in his pants in order to deliberately mislead the army into classifying him as undraftable, so some other kid could take his place. Amazingly, in 1977 and through the years, Ted gloated over his own perceived brilliance: “See, I approached the whole thing like, Ted Nugent, cool hard-workin’ dude, is gonna wreak havoc on these imbeciles in the armed forces.”
Ted the gun-toting patriot would rather defile himself than pick up a gun and defend the freedom he now so enthusiastically enjoys. Funny though, when the records of this draft incident were examined, it turns out that Nugent also relied on a student deferment, although I haven’t found any interviews where he brags about that. Maybe he was too busy getting his application to Rhodes together.
Does anybody remember when he dated a 17 year-old girl? For clarification, he was 30 at the time. So this upstanding member of society not only dates a minor (Hawaii’s age of majority is 18), but he obtained legal guardianship of this girl so he could proceed with the relationship and ultimately marry her. A lot of people might balk at dating someone if they had to become their legal guardian to do so. Of course, he had to get guardianship, right? Otherwise his own wang dang sweet poontang would be hungrily passed around cell block D, along with the other grown men who prefer the company of children.
If we were talking about a liberal, you can bet that Ted would be the first one to call such a person “a draft-dodging pedophile,” but among all his boasting, you don’t hear much about Ted outwitting the “imbeciles” of the justice system so he could sleep with a minor. Go figure.
But this isn’t about liberals and it’s not about conservatives. There are too many informed, well-meaning people on both sides of the political fence to cast aspersions based on the ignorant bleating of a D-list musician. This is about creating a discourse where we agree that beyond differing opinions, all sides will observe a base level of civility. This is about agreeing that we reject violence as a means of having our opinions heard. This is about giving the public platform to those who can inspire thoughtful debate, rather than fey egomaniacs who spew contrived, outrageous blather to sate their relentless craving for attention.
No one’s perfect. Certainly not the author of this blog. But when someone goes beyond puerile name-calling to inciting violence against the President and against those with opposing political views, they invite scrutiny of their own patriotism. Unfortunately for Ted, name-calling isn’t necessary. His actions speak for themselves.